Big Day Out

I went to big day out with Gary... lol.. and he said we could be friends forever.. yay...

Have I shared Gary and my story??

Once upon a time.. i was just recently on the single side of the world.. and i went out with a girlfriend of mine whom awesome at 'picking up' and she said she would teach me all about the world of it... anyways we were out with her workmates and i met Gary who is a workmate of hers. The first thing that struck me about Gary was how gentle and accepting he was and i guess we hooked up... it is kinda weird putting it that way but that was how i met Gary.

Then i ignored all his calls and messages
1. because i was scared out of my brain
2. cause we decided that was the best option

anyways....
a couple of months later i was at big day out and Gary was there and his mates hadnt shown up yet.... so i asked him to hang out with me...
I felt so bad i had treated someone who had been so great to me so bad and that day he looked after me a bit cause i was pretty messy and was just awesome to hang out with.
I made him PROMISE that he would give me a chance to be his friend for one year. and the next year at big day out he could tell me whether i can be his friend...
So weve been concert buddies and friends for a yr.

Now just to add to the drama i forgot to buy a big day out ticket this year.. and it was soooo important to me that i was able to be there with Gary. I ended up getting one and once again it was an amazing and awesome day... and i have a friend for life.. someone whom i admire and love... now isnt that a story with a happy ending... lol or beginning...
"the beginning and the end were always there... befoer the beginning and after the end"

Relationships

ive been thinking....

relationships are like painting

you start with a canvus...

and then you keep adding....

and sometimes it doesnt look good....

sometimes it is doesnt look like its gonna turn out at all...

and sometimes that is just your perspective and its going along fine....


and most times you have the most beautiful thing youve ever seen

but you gotta keep at it if you want it to work..... to turn out the way it was artwork it was designed to be.. not necessarly what you thought...


lol.. i dont know... im just thinking.....
men and women are so different.. and i guess if we were the same then we wouldnt want to be with someone of the opposite sex...
i remember at one point it was easy.. not with matt.. before.. cause i seemed to think that i would give my life for it.. maybe i was naive...and that led me to a lot of pain. i find myself now weighing options.. ive become easy to hurt... Ive become wary.. and i find it harder to trust..
Ive got the education it should be easy for me.. but for some reason it isnt.. this time its harder...
I wish i could go back to having that blind devotion i had before.... mmaybe that is all Carly is going thru now... trying to recapture that blind love:S

COSTS

there is always a cost.....
of some description...
and it isnt something i usually consider when i go out to do something. i consider it more than some... and certainly less than others.

Sometimes the costs of things are hidden. Like your not aware of them till they bite you on the arse....
and sometimes it is noble to willingly overlook at the cost...

so what was the cost of myself doing LF....
$480
three days of my life
and the benefits are still three yrs later present and there

what about being a supervisor...
about $300 in phonecalls a month... average....
one full weekend and at least one night a week and 8 hrs reading your file every two months... 1hr a week in calls
that doesnt include the food when your on course.. or just around the centre a lot. petrol parking. it doesnt include the time or hrs i need to change around my sleeping pattern. it doesnt include the friends and family i dont get to see... or can only just call.. it doesnt include the hrs i dont walk my pets or clean my house,.
It isnt viable....
not for me.. it just isnt viable.. how do i tell them that.
more importantly ...
why do i feel they wouldnt listen./? Am i racketing...???
i wonder.....
am i going down the same path i did last time... as im getting older i have less patience... when pple screw me over i just then dont have time for them. i find it harder to forgive... harder even to forget. i know there are some friends who i will never be as close too.. due to stuff they said.. or did... i dont know.. it annoys me... i need to deal with it tho. i need to deal with it now...