Fighting the Darkside

So Ive been very hurt recently by three people that i thought i would go to the ends of the earth for. So hurt in fact that everytime their names are mentioned or i am reminded of them my stomach fills with hate and anger and i have to control myself in not lashing out at the closest person too me.
I have never experienced hate before and i am sure that that is what this is.
I hate that i hate. and i hate that i feel i have done everything if not more than what is required of me and i cannot get these people out of my life. I dont wish them well. In fact i find pleasure in their pain. And i am fighting myself in trying to do the right thing. I dont know at what point the right things count. But i need to find a way to deal with it.
I am about to go out with Carly but i am gonna continue this blog a bit later.....

ok