INSPIRED

HAVING THE MOST AMAZING WEEKEND>>>>

where else in the world.. do you get a bunch of strangers... standing for that EVERYONE gets the life they want and a world that works....

I LOVE IT...

Integrity

SO last night i was at the centre assisting meeting and i got a new cut on Integrity.. the fact of the matter is i have had integrity mixed up with being good, bad, morale, ect...

Integrity is...
honoring your word
Keeping an empowering context

the fact of the matter is i have sometimes not been keeping an empowering context.. wow hey.. and it doesnt say keeping yoru promises NO MATTER WHAT>>> it says HONORING your word...

There was a situation the other week when i went out with a couple of pple and we played pool. As we were leaving these pple ran off without paying.. and i stayed and payed... altho of the three of us i prolly had the least money... anyways... For myself stealing is intolerable... for others it may not be... but for myself i couldnt live with it... right at that moment i had a choice... i coulda got all righteous about it... cause if i was to look at it stuff like that REALLY pisses me off... but i didnt.. i kept an empowering context...

Later in the week someone who isnt at landmark asked me if they have integrity.. and i couldnt answer no... this person does...

Anyways,... this is what integrity has always been ... i have just made it into being good bad right wrong ect...

My Week

Well it is the begining of my week and it is gonna be a rollorcoaster and a half.. Everything between Jo and i is sorted.. and everything at work has been talked about... and i had a performance review which wasnt bad considering.. but then im sure that they dont really want me to leave... i cant help but have lost a lot of respect tho for Andrew but then im not sure that having respect for your boss is a pre requisite of working...
im a little dissapointed cause i wont be spending any time this week with Poacher altho i did get to spend time this weekend with him. The more time i spend with him the more i like him:) He has the ability to be many things and i like that... i like him.. so im hoping that on wednesday night ill go spend the night with him. But given my week im not keeping to anything...
MOn... work.. landmark
Tues.. work till three... statewide meeting till six... centre assisting meetingtill 1030
Wed start at six work till three Paperround.. coaching call at 600 then McFunction.. anyone free to drive me and pick me up???
Thurs start at 6am till three.. seminar from seven till 1000
Fri.. start work at midnight work till 9am... then i shall sleep.. till 1700 Landmark from 1900 till 2300
Sat Landmark from 7am till midnight
Sun Landmark from 7am till midnight
Monday i have off.. and i shall sleep im sure cause i start work 2am tues morning... ahhh... '
So all you who wont see me this week.. it doesnt mean anything.. i love you still...

Furious

Well i am furious... yesterday i worked a school holiday shift.. and i had heaps to do... and it was busy... most of what i had to do was on the computer.. and Andrew came in and did rosters... now Andrew is sick as most of you know.. and was already in a bad mood... so he came in ... and was just in an arsehole of a mood you know? and then came outin the middle of lunch rush... just as i was getting organised and blasted me for being in the wrong part of the production line.. his exact words are.... I HATE IT THAT NONE OF MY MANAGERS WILL DO THEIR JOB... so here i am working my little arse off and he says that.. anyways it was a hard shift.. i didnt drink a bottle of water OR eat since 8 till three cause it was that busy... i only JUST managed to get the stock areas done ... so Andrew goes ahead and blasts Tash so i have to work harder at about 1430 with no warning ... or hey Ang can you run shift.. we are gonna talk about something.. NOTHING... just pulls her off the floor.. and MAKES HER CRY... THEN HE STORMS OUT Without a goodbye or nothing and he wonders why the crew hate working with him and wanna quit...?/? so i stayed to 1530... but to be honest from 1500 to 1530 i ate... and got little stuff done then went straight home and too landmark...
When i get their JO comes in... now what you need to know about Jo is she decided she wanted to be a group leader.. and to get involved in landmark.. i never MADE her... and she is upset about her gf... fair enough so she is swearing and shit in landmark which in an inclosed office is really not ok.. and i go lets go talk outside... now i care about Kat... and JO and i dont want them to break up and here is JO saying all sorts of SHIT... and i try and make her see reason.. and she is like i just wanna go get FUCKED up... which as we all know helps situations like these... so as i am talking to her Poacher calls.. and jo is like.. maybe ill just go hang out with Poacher... we can go to the strippers together.. and blah blah.. and he is the same.. so i give the phone to her and walk back into landmark cause i got SOOO much to do with my course off track... and i dont need this shit.. i need to get my stuff done cause my life just feels like i have loads and loads to do... and already i want to cry... and then she comes in and hands me the phone.. and then Poacher is like.. i wont go i dont like you being upset... and then i feel bad cause i know JO was just trying to upset me anyways... so it aint poachers fault... and i cant help but feel very hurt that someone who alreadys knows im upset about it is trying to make it worse... THEN... i get this message from Andrew...which i deleted silly enough.. grr cause i wanted to write it up here... but basically telling me he is furious... and that i left a shitty shift for Amy AND that what was i playing at.??? and at this stage im ready to blow and then i start crying.. like at that moment.. life is fucked... so i go to the toilets and try to compose how pissed i am... so i think.. ill call Sean and be in communication.. so i call Sean at find out i missed our coaching call which i thought was at 630 so that fucks everything.. and THEN>>>> in the middle of myself crying on the phone to Sean trying to compose myself JO WALKS OUT>>> NASTELY>>> IM NOT GOING TO THE SEMINAR>>>> fucken bitch... im so angry.. so i try to get the paperwork i got to landmark early to do done.. in ten mins.. which i just cant think... i go into the seminar and i truly cannot thing straight... i ring Amy and she isnt upset.. so all is good between myself and Amy and i tried to call JO but the conversations are going nowhere.... and I tried to call Andrew but he had turned his phone off being the completey BRAVE human being he is... I have to go... cause my heat treat is in freezer lock... and i have a shift to run... but you should know i got a message from JO at 1000 saying she loves me...
maybe she does...
maybe it doesnt matter... cause do you fuck over pple you love? I dont want to be here.. I hate my job.. i hate how hard everything is.. i hate how pple can just fuck you over with no care for the consequence...especially when ive told them that the conversation hurts. i hate how no matter how hard i try i cant keep my damn word cause pple WANT to much of me.. actually there isnt much i dont hate right now...

Failing The Challenge

It is Thurs... and i cant listen to the global call i got up an extra hr to listen too cause i cant login... and i have no idea how... AHHHHH: Tonight I have Landmark... tomorrow work then who knows.. maybe i shall see Paul.. or maybe i shall sleep... i love sleep.. i miss it when it isnt available... and in between then i have to get the stuff put together for my course and have a call with my coach and Sean... i feel like my whole life is remembering to call people... AHHHH... and then Sat work sun off... yayayayayayaya... watched the Cave last night and it was ok.. i wouldnt rate it more than 3 out of 10.. but i didnt hate it which is good....
Zac and I arent talking.. which concerns me.. only cause I care.. it amazes me tho how pple can just decide they are not talking to you.. and it hurts me... i dated the guy for over two yrs... and he cant even keep his word to me like him and i meant nothing.. grrr arsehole.... i also hate it that i was proven right... it woulda made more sense for us to have forgotten about hanging out four weeks ago.. and just let it be... why didnt i listen to my heart... why did i waste that time... and Zac if you read this.. i want you to know IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME>.. but better things have come from it .. much better things... the past is always better left where it should stay in the past.....
so anyways to continue on from my last blog....
Sunb night.. Pete, Sarah, Sarah, Dan, Mat, Carly, JO and i all hung out at my house and it was fun... and rather a drunk night for myself...
Jo and Mat did fire twirling.. and it was fucken awesome to watch... and both of them looked beautiful...:)
in the last peice of news... Jen quit Maccas which im heartbroken about...

What a great NIGHT!!!

Spent fri night at work.... then with Poacher.. .and sat day in bed...:P:P:P:P.. wikid... and didnt get up till three... then Tom came over. and hung out... and then Cams.. party.... which was fun... weird seeing my crew outa work.. musta been even more shocking to them.. then out to the Rise with Jen .. which i didnt enjoy but got to see Rachael and Jayde.. whom I havent seen in yrs... and then out to see Dan.. made a new friend of Dans named Steve.. whom i hope to meet again. so it was ok fun... and sun was random... Dan, Poacher, Jo and i went down to Bells Rapids.. anyways.. i got to go. but will continue more later...

Things About Me

1. Four Jobs Ive had in my life...
McManager, Deli Hand, Pamphlet Round, Landmark Education Staff Member

2.Four Places Ive Lived
Koondoola, Balga, Bunbury.... that is alll i only have three

3.Four TV shows i Like to watch...
I dont really watch TV... but if i did...
House, Big Brother, Sex in the City, Lost

4.Four Places Ive been on holiday
Singapore, Melbourne, Sydney and DWELLINGUP

5.Four Websites I visit Daily/ Weekly
www.hotmail.com, www.insanetom.com, www.hi8uscs.com, www.makeyourownmusic.blogspot.com

6. Four of my Faviourite Foods
Indian, chocolate, Nandos and Chilli Con Carne

7.Four Places Id rather be right now
On Holiday, Dwellingup, at a concert..:) yeah living End soon...at home with the net

My Car

Well i left my handbreak off...
my car ran into a letterbox...
the door is fucked....
...nods.... i am not sure what else to say other than i will be out of pocket another grand at least....
Know any good panel beaters???

Nearly Over

So the weekend is nearly over..
Liz came over on fri night.. and that was fun.. and Gary came over last night.. yay.. so thankyou guys for keeping me sane
Other than that... Chris called wanting me back...:S and im getting my course on track and i just want to tell everyone im scared shitless and so excited about this that im almost speechless...
My cough is almost gone:)
and i feel better... and im off to do my paper round..
OHHH and Steve... if you read this you are awesome:) THANKYOU...!!!!!!
and Lance... if your reading this.. get into contact with me.. i know i may never see you again.. i get it.. i understand it might be painful... i dont care.. your my friend.. and nothing is possible if you stay out of communication....:

THe Long Nights

So you dont know how much time you spend out until your stuck at home without the internet with nothing much to do...
I came to realize two things....
One.. I avoid being at home alone...
Two... I am not alone much...
So that about covers my realizations and really they are nothing more than insights i am choosing not to do much with.. but it really makes me look forward to the next three nights doing it:(
SO tonight Liz is coming around which i am looking forward too... I havent seen her in a couple of weeks and on sunday Carly comes home:)
It also makes me think and go all mushy... specially when watching movies... i watched the Family Stone... it was ok...
Tom came over and showed me his new bike... it is really beautiful...
and Bhodi came over and told me stories... and that was fun.. altho we have spent so much time together over the last week i think we are running out of stories... and im not up to any mischief...
OH and Jeevan Chris' best mate keeps messaging me... :S weird... altho we are friends.. i still think it is odd... ill go see him next week...
im having a maleluca party next wednesday.. everyone should come... it will be interesting..
that is all...

The Cough

So ive had a cough for about four weeks/// and i finally went and saw someone about it... and ive been told not to go out at night for a couple of days and to take time off work. So that means all my plans for the next couple of days are caput.... but it means i finally will be able to keep food down for days at a time AND>>.. i can stop coughing.. yayaya

Butterfingers went off... i think im in love... lol.. it was an awesome concert followed by an interesting weekend which i spent with Zac, Bhodi and Sal at different times... went to the Paddo... which i still havent found a liking for and realized a few things about a few friends i really trully dont like and am suprised to say that the one person i thought would be like that... isnt... :S and that is an interesting realization... pple dont always follow the same trends i guess.... and pple i thought more of than that are like that.. and it disgusted me....

For all that spent tues night with Poacher which is always a pleasure:) and we watched Hostel which while i was watching it i hated it.. at points but overall it would certainly be one of the better movies ive seen lately.... brought up a lot of thought envoking things and i think id like to see it again.. which i might do before i return it to Mat....

ANd since then ive really been sick and dying... good work hey:) and exhausted... pple said the fatgue would hit on wednesday and i guess it has...